Welcome to the Relationship-Counselling Newsletter

March 2011

This newsletter contains news and articles about relationships and personal growth and introduces new courses for 2011.

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Kind regards,
Paul Gale-Baker

News

ABC Lonely Hearts Club

If you would like some serious relationship information with a humourous twist, you might like to tune into ABC Radio National's The Lonely Hearts Club. Billed as a show exploring men's 'hearts, health, hip pockets and happiness', it can be heard at 10 pm Saturdays on the ABC.

If you go online to the Lonely Hearts Club program for Saturday, March 12, you can hear an interview I did with the team about relationships. You can visit the Club by clicking here.

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Is Facebook Affecting Your Relationship?

A recent study by Dr Rebecca Mathews, an Australian researcher, has shown that use of social media sites is now ingrained for many people.

In my own practice people report using Facebook as a primary mode of connecting with friends and, increasingly, with relationship partners. In some cases, people are beginning relationships through Facebook.

Unfortunately, some people are using Facebook to express their (often negative) views about the relationship. Some are even ending relationships online.

Social media emails and text messaging have become accepted by many as appropriate for sending serious messages. While this may work in some contexts, it is questionable whether it is appropriate for dealing with relationship issues.

The problem with communicating in this way is that it takes out of the communication many of the important cues that help us accurately convey and receive meaning. Tone of voice, facial expression and physical touch all contribute enormously to effective communication. My experience working with couples shows that cutting them out of the equation can lead to misunderstanding and intensified conflict.

I will be conducting a workshop on relationship communication Communication Without Tears on May 7 (see below). The course will look at how communication can be improved in relationship and be a positive aspect, rather than the cause of conflict and tears.

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Course Update

Relationship Renovation

1 Day Course April 9

Relationship Renovation offers participants the opportunity to learn how to recognize recurring, negative patterns in their relationship and gives couples the tools to change these patterns. This course can help you build a more satisfying, intimate and communicative relationship.

The course provides a safe, comfortable environment to explore your relationship. You will not be asked to share personal information.

Click to read more about the course

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Communication without Tears

1 Day Course May 7

So often communication in relationships leads to upset, distress and anger. It often seems surprisingly difficult to talk to our partner without it descending into arguments. A simple discussion can become serious conflict. A difference of opinion can seem to be an insurmountable hurdle.

Fortunately communication issues can be addressed and resolved using reliable, effective and lasting strategies.

Click to read more about the course

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Articles

Finding The Right Counsellor For You

Counselling clients are often unsure about how to choose a counsellor or therapist. I will be using the term 'counsellor' to cover all professionals in the counselling field: counsellors, psychotherapists and psychologists.

It is important to work with a skilled, qualified professional, but beyond that, how do you go about choosing someone who you are hoping will help you make significant change in your life and relationship.

The first place to start is to ensure that the counsellor is qualified and a member of the appropriate professional association. Counsellors who are members of professional associations are governed by a code of ethics and answerable to their professional body.

You may also want to know how the counsellor works. There are hundreds of different modalities in counselling and most counsellors use a range of approaches. Which one is right for you?

To some extent this will depend on the issues you bring to counselling. If the issues are primarily to do with relationship, you will want to work with a counsellor trained in relationship work. Similarly, if you are wishing to pursue deep personal issues, you will want to work with a counsellor who is able to offer psychotherapy.

However, far more important than the way the counsellor works, is the relationship that is established between the counsellor and the client(s).

This means that it is essential that you take time to assure yourself that the counsellor 'feels right' to you. Within the first couple of sessions, you should be able to decide if you can work well together.

To help clients with this, I invite them to question me about what to expect and how we might work with the issues presented. This is something I would encourage you to do when looking for a counsellor. This will give you a good sense of how the counsellor responds to you.

Ideally counselling as a process where both counsellor and client(s) engage in a mutual quest to satisfactorily resolve the issues raised. This works most effectively when you are working with a counsellor you can engage fully with.

Have Your Say

If there is a topic you are interested in, email your question and I will do my best to provide an answer. I may also use it as the basis for an article in the newsletter.

Please note that this is not intended for counselling purposes, but for general information and education.

All material Copyright © Paul Gale-Baker, 2011

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